The word “no” is not used often enough in close adult relationships. Sadly, there are too many adults continuing to live their life as though “saying no is very bad” and is never an acceptable behavior.
“No” is a word quickly learned and often repeated by toddlers and young children, and so many caregivers quickly discipline to stop it becoming a bad habit. Learning to not say no when given instructions or asked to do something is great for the young child whose brain is still developing, but not so much for the adult who gained knowledge and understanding. Many adults have been so well-disciplined that they never learned how to gain balance with learning when to say no, as they matured.
Never feeling comfortable to say “no” is no longer serving adults well, especially when continuing to do so leads to negative experiences of being overtaxed and invalidated in relationships.
Why Is It Important To Gain Balance By Saying No More Often?
There are many great benefits to saying no more often.
By not saying no more often, a person run the risk of not being heard and respected in their relationships. Sadly, that is the reality for many women who refrains from saying no. In doing so, they end up adding too much to their to-do list, acquire too many experiences of having their emotions invalidated, and often are not speaking up against outright disrespect. All will lead to emotional pain and suffering.
Also, always agreeing and saying yes does not afford the person doing the asking an opportunity to push through and discover ways they can learn to do it themselves. It’s much too easy to ask others to do for us, and it limits opportunities to grow into our full potential. True power and growth is possible from learning and doing for ourselves.
Clearly, saying no more often allows greater opportunities for self-love, self-care, and sharing love.
What Are Indications That You Must Say No More Often?
- You have too many experiences where people mistreat you, as though what you think and feel are not important and easily disregarded
- You often have thoughts that others are not considerate or very helpful of your needs
- You have had way too many instances where it seems you’ve run out of time to complete whatever it is you needed to do for yourself
10 Instances When You Must Say No In Your Adult Relationships:
- You are asked to do something that goes against your values
- You are not in agreement that whatever is being asked is important
- You are feeling emotionally exhausted, and must have alone time for processing
- You are feeling physically exhausted, and must rest
- You have not had any time to care for your personal needs (e.g. eating)
- You are putting yourself in a negative place in another area of your life (e.g. creating financial strain)
- You have a long to-do list, and it would be unrealistic to add one more thing
- You have a time-sensitive project that requires your attention
- You believe the person is using you, because they only seem to ask or demand
- You believe the person would be better suited to do for themselves what they’re asking of you, so they can learn and grow from the experience
Now, choose to embrace your inner toddler and return to saying ‘no’ more often.
So, ask yourself:
What instances have I needed to say no, but didn’t?
What can I plan to have in place to help me do differently next time?
How will I acknowledge myself for a job well done?
Choose to discover your desires, connect with your inner power, and live empowered as you take action to create!
